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U-Nite "The Life"

14-15 October 2013 I came to U-Nite, U-nite was a retreat for university student (actually not just for student, so many adult there), and the theme was The Life. there's have 4 sessions and all of the session talking about Joseph's life (Genesis 37- Genesis 45)
 I want to share about my experience during U-Nite..
On the first session, PA’s illustration was about “baggage” and PA was preaching about wounds. When PA preaching it, my wounds (guilty, regret) like opened (again--actually my wounds already opened when Mission Project in Papua, but I thought it was finished). I had some bad feeling because of my past and I always carried the feelings as my "baggage". I tried to control my mind and I prayed. My prayers were I want to know God deeper, and want to know what God wants. When I pray my heart like broken and my prayer change become “Lord, I’m forgiven, right?” I felt I really hate my self because I am a sinner and I did a sin that affect (the most) me now. I thought that I already resolve that feeling because I already admit, confess and repent before God. At that time I knew that I’m forgiven but I still have the feeling and I didn’t know why.
On the 2nd and 3rd session my focuses still want to know God Deeper and know God’s want. But i didn’t get it. I asked God that I need be lead by Holy Spirit and HS always lead me to remember my past, remember my sin that I did. WHY God? I don’t want to mention it again, it’s done right? After that it become my struggle and I become a confuse person.
On the last session, God’s exactly answered my struggle thru’ the PA’s preaching. PA’s introduction was about addicted to drugs, and to be honest, I was a drugs addict... Oh NO! PA just wants to preaching it to me >< (that was my feeling) and than all of the preaching on the last session exactly tell about my life.
And from the last session I know that:
1. My lingering sins affect important relationship. The most important relationship is my relationship with God. The sins still in my lives and my relationship with God can easily being distracted by the sins.
2. I live in worldly sorrow not Godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:10 is a difference between Godly sorrow and worldly sorrow)
3. God shows me his kindness in many different ways.
Finally I know, God wants me to fix my relationship with him, and also wants purify my heart from any wounds. He taught me to take responsibility of my sins and also accept the painful experience of my life by faith.
even though my struggle have been answered, I still have the struggle/ the wounds, but I know what should I do to handle it, so that I can keep my covenant relationship with God.
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